


the bed of want

by sabinelagrande



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angry Sex, Declarations Of Love, First Time, M/M, Porn Battle, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-25
Updated: 2010-01-25
Packaged: 2017-10-06 17:06:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the second time that he remembers the clearest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the bed of want

It's the second time that he remembers the clearest. The first time almost doesn't even count, sloppy and stoned somewhere halfway across the galaxy, his hand in Rodney's pants; Rodney wouldn't even kiss him, said the Purple Haze of Peace or whatever was making his lips look like caterpillars, and would he please stop that?

The second time, though, the second time was a few weeks after the Siege, long enough that John thought everything was fine, long enough that the novelty and sheer terror of going all Slim Pickens with a real live nuclear warhead had worn off. The second time, they were in one of the labs, late at night, and Rodney was tense, he was pissed, and John said something silly, nothing big; but Rodney missed a step and fried the device he was working on, Rodney threw his screwdriver across the room so hard that it left a long silver gash on the blue-green mystery metal of the wall, Rodney stood up and swore and turned on John, shoving him hard against the table and kissing him like he was pissed off at John's lips and wanted to teach them a lesson.

John can remember everything about that time, the way the burnt-out crystals made the lab smell like a thunderstorm, the way the cold metal table bit into the backs of his thighs, the way Rodney slid into him on nothing but spit and blind, greedy fear, so that it burned and stung in the way that was never worth remembering, in light of what followed.

And he remembers how Rodney wouldn't stop talking the entire time, just going on and on, saying _don't die first, please don't die_ and _you stupid fucking suicidal son of a bitch_ and _love you, you prick_ and _why do you do this to me?_ And John couldn't say anything, had to bite down on Rodney's shoulder to keep from saying anything, and when he came, he came so hard that he shook with it, gasping and grasping and accidentally kicking Rodney in the back.

And when it was over, Rodney was just standing there, his dick still hanging out and a vaguely accusatory, confused frown on his face, looking at John like he knew he was supposed to be mad at him but couldn't quite remember why.

"If you die," he said, still frowning, and then he just stopped, like the rest of the words had just clogged in his throat in their rush to get past one another.

And John winked at him and said, "Can't get rid of me that easily," because he couldn't say _I love you_, not even then, not even when he finally knew that he did.


End file.
